Q: Hey bro, do you have any videos or writings that would help unmarried believers who want to get married? Topics like, what to look for in a spouse, mistakes to avoid, etc. I remember waaay back in the day, when you used to DJ, I came to one of your home fellowships with my homegirl. Before we left, I told you she had a crush on you and asked if you were interested. You smiled and politely declined. I remember thinking to myself, “I bet this brother has an idea of the type of KINGDOM woman he wants and he’s not settling for less”… because my girl wasn’t walking in obedience to the Lord, and I was still immature in my faith. I sensed that you could discern that about us. And sure enough, you ended up choosing a virtuous woman of God. I am so encouraged by what you two are building. Your marriage and family are a blessing to all who are witnesses. Any courtship/marriage advice that you (and/or your beautiful wife) could offer would be very much appreciated. Not only am I starting to talk to my own children about this, but when I get the honor of speaking into the lives of other women of God, I want to be prepared with some Holy Spirit packed words of wisdom. Thanks bro!

A: Wow… Funny story!
But thank you for your encouragement! All glory goes to God. We are actually working on a book about it also, so perfect timing on your question! You are inspiring us to complete it sooner.

But yes I definitely had a vision for my wife from a time of fasting and prayer when I was 21. It wasn’t a specific vision based on looks but it included character, gifts that I needed to complement mine, relationship with God, and attractiveness.

So I had a vision written down and if you talk to my wife, she had the fear of the Lord and dreams that helped keep her focused.

My biggest advice would be:
– Have a written vision for your life and develop yourself in your purpose and calling before you think about dating anyone.
– Don’t date until you know its time to get married.
– Don’t get married until you are ready to have children.
– Get to know people in groups, fellowships, service, “side-by-side”.
– Don’t take a relationship face-to-face until you have a Word from God and confirmation.
– As a man, set a date for your marriage before you approach a woman. As a leader, you must begin with the end in mind.
– As a woman, never give your time or your body to a man that is not serious about a Covenant and Leading a family.

Here is another similar question I answered a few weeks ago:

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