Esosa: Shereena, Can you please focus on cooking before you do other things today?
Shereena: No, I am really busy today and I have too much to do.
Esosa: Well, I think getting the meals done is the most important thing, because it helps us save time during the week.
Shereena: Well, I will do my best. Cooking takes all day and I don’t know if I will have time.
The dialogue above seems like a normal conversation between a husband and wife. But if you really think about what took place in the conversation it is not. My husband made a request of me, and I blew it off. Putting my to do list above what he desired of me. In a seemingly insignificant way, I exerted my will above his. No yelling or screaming or cussing at him, but disobedience to my husband non-the-less.
You may be thinking that what transpired in the conversation was no big deal. But if you think about it more deeply, it was a display of disorder in my heart. If I truly, in my inner man believed that my husband was the God appointed leader in my life, I would have a much higher value on his desires and executing his requests.
As a wife, my husband’s requests should be top of my list. But it has not always been that way.
At the beginning of my marriage I believed all the things you are supposed to believe as a Christian wife. I believed that my husband was the head of our home, I tried to walk that out even in our courtship and wedding planning, following his lead even when it was not what I wanted. I believed that I was to obey and submit to him. I believed that Christ was the head of man and man the head of the woman. I believed all of those things. Or so I thought. Once we were married, and the wedding, and celebrating was over… it was harder than I thought it would be to LIVE the reality of my husband being my head.
Many things he said I would agree with and go with. But there were many times when I did not. I thought that as long as I stated my opinion in a calm way, that was ok. Going against what he said, constantly stating my opinion in most decisions he made. Pushing to get my way. But obedience is not what you say, it is what is in your heart.
Obedience is a heart issue. Even God acknowledges that in the book of Matthew when he said “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me” (Matt. 15:8). In my heart most times I wanted my way. Even times when I did go along with what he wanted, my heart was not in it.
This is disorder. Disorder in how God created husbands and wives to function together in a Godly marriage. Disorder can be a very subtle thing. Disoder is not always overt with constant yelling, fighting and disrespect. Dis·or·der /ˌdisˈôrdər/ noun~ a state of confusion. Disorder is simply a state of confusion. Confusion. That is exactly what was happening in our marriage a lot of times. Confusion.
Having a clear leader eliminates confusion. One person leading, casting vision and giving orders. Everyone else playing their role in supporting the vision with the gifts, talents and abilities God has given them. Following the leader. Does that mean the leader is always right, no. But in a marriage the husband has the God given role to lead. Having a clear designated leader decreases confusion in the family.
The marriage of Jezebel and Ahab was the epitome of disorder. She. Was. The. Head. PERIOD!
Ahab followed her idolatry even though He was KING over the chosen people of the ONLY LIVING GOD. She made the decisions, she was the spiritual leader with the prophets of Baal under her command. She solved Ahab’s problems. She was the man. (Her story begins in 1 Kings 16)
Ladies, ask yourself, what kind of husband do you want? A strong man, who is capable of making decisions and taking responsibility? A man who is a leader in the kingdom of God? Who has attained the qualifications of an elder (Titus 1:5-9), who is known when he sits among the leaders (Proverbs 31:23)? A man who is respected in your house, on his job, in the congregation? Any Godly woman would desire this. And it takes a woman who understands order to build this.
A wise woman builds her house (Proverbs 14:1). Give your husband courage to grow in his leadership, praying him into his role, encouraging him in his role, teaching the children about his role so they respect him and honor him.
Don’t take advantage of his weak areas as an opportunity to take control. Rather, pray for him and ask God to teach you how to encourage his leadership in areas he is weak. Seek order woman of God.
The end of the reign of Jezebel and the house of Jezebel was dismal. You cannot bear Godly seed, and have a Godly home without God’s order. He won’t allow it. Taking the lead from your husband could ruin your marriage without you even realizing what happened.
Many men feel discouraged by their wives, but don’t say it. Many men feel disrespected but don’t say it. Many men feel run over by their wives but don’t say it. If a man cannot fulfill his role he feels useless, and this leads to a lot of divorces. And sometimes, he will never say it. I have had several dreams in which men were crying and longing for order and fruitfulness in their homes.
The spirit of Jezebel is thriving in the churches, and men don’t feel like they even have room to communicate their need for respect. There is such a high expectation for equality, and he may feel like a chauvinist for expressing his need to lead in his home.
Some men may stay and endure feeling disrespected in a marriage, but they may check out mentally. This is the reason many men are not heavily involved with their children, they know that their wife will second guess any decision they try to make concerning them. This is a reason some men don’t initiate a lot of things in their relationship with their wife, they know that she will shoot down almost any suggestion he tries to make.
If you notice your husband is withdrawn in any area of your family life, pray and ask God to show you why, ask him if he feels like you respect him, and let him express his heart without getting defensive, without bringing up his mistakes… just listen. Take his response humbly and begin your journey of becoming a respectful obedient wife, with a meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:1-6).
Our role is to support our husbands in prayer as they lead. Forgiving their mistakes, praying for God to light their path and give them hearts to obey Him as they lead the family. Giving advice when appropriate, asking God for opportunity and proper timing to discuss concerns we have, and obeying not just with your mouth but in your heart. What good is it woman if you say yes Sir when your husband asks you to do something or makes a decision, but in your heart you are against him? Draw nigh to God’s order in your heart woman of God.
RISE UP woman of God, follow God’s order and submit to your husband, not just with your mouth, but in your heart. This is one of the main things you can do to bless your household and put glory on your children. Oh, woman don’t you know… the glory of children are their fathers (Proverbs 17:6)!
Prayer: God, I repent to you for operating in the spirit of jezebel against my husband. I repent God for being rebellious against you and the order you have set. My husband is my head and the leader, I am to submit to him. God I repent for being difficult for you and my husband to lead, please forgive me for being contrary and moving against my husband and the work you have for him to do. I release to you the spirit of Jezebel, the spirit of rebellion, and the spirit of witchcraft.
Please cultivate within me a meek and quiet spirit, let the law of kindness be in my mouth, and help me fall in line with the order you have set. You are the head of man, and man is the head of the woman. God, please bless my husband to follow you and be obedient to you in all things. Give him power, love and a sound mind, help him make the right decisions for our family both naturally and spiritually. Get the glory in our family God, and help us to be pleasing to you. God deliver us from the spirit of Jezebel in every way. In Jesus mighty name, Amen.
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